Still a Runner

About a year ago I read a magazine article wherein the author, who had been a runner for years, had sustained an injury that put a halt to her running career. She was devastated and mortified that she was forced to become a "walker". She had always looked upon "walkers" as people who just couldn't cut it as runners. She always felt superior to them as she ran past and now she was being forced into that lowly group of walkers. She went on to say how she has become to enjoy, love and even respect walkers and was proud to be counted in their group.

I read that article and thought, "Wow, what a drag that she had to give up running. I could never do that. That would be a punishment from hell for me." That was then. This is now. A new day a new way. A new me.

No, I haven't given up running. Far from it. I love it. I have been a runner for over 30 years. I spent most of my "20's" competing with my sexy husband as the cheerleader. He was always at the finish line with encouragement, a fresh pair of shoes and a beer (okay, we weren't members of "the church" back then so, yeah, a BEER!!!). Those were and continue to be some of my best memories.

However, things evolve. I am in the midst of developing a passion (or maybe it's just lust) for hiking. It's funny, but I can't get enough of it! I go every chance I get and I even shame my twins into participating with me. Today I went out on a LONG hike and drug my 11 year old daughter, Courtney, out there with me. We went 12 miles and, I tell you, that little girl did it!!! I was so stinking proud of her. She fussed a little along the way but, hey, she's 11 years old!

So, yeah, I do get on my treadmill whenever I can muster up the will power to do it. I hate the treadmill and find a way to talk myself out of it whenever I can. I would rather be in the hills with my dogs pounding my feet in the dirt. So now I make deals with myself. If I choose to sleep in until 5:00 in the morning and for go my 4:30 run, I MUST make it up with a hike or a run somewhere during the day. So far so good.

Will I transform into a hiker/walker? Doubt it. I still have my need for the runner's "high". But a couple days a week exchanging a run for a hefty hike? You bet your sneakers I will! So anyone up for a hike?

Dogs Rule!

Just know that the saying that goes something like: "The more I get to know people the more I love my dog" is dead on! Yup, dead on! I generally like people. I get along with pretty much everyone I meet. Today, however, I have to say I'm not so sweet on homo sapiens (or however you spell that word). Maybe it's just people who seem to be living in my household at the moment.

At any rate, I read my daughter's blog (www.stationwagonhaynes.blogspot.com) and had to say that there must be something in the air or the universe or whatever. For a mom that tries to be upbeat and positive I sure did tank today - and I mean in a bad way.

I got a call from Jacob's school requesting that I hurry down there immediately and pick up the child. He has been suspended for throwing a chair at the teacher (WHAT?!?). He's been having a progressivly bad week thus far and today was the crowning glory. Well, that wasn't the worst of it. I was in the middle of getting my nails done and a pedicure and had to walk out in the middle of the pampering experience. When I went back, they couldn't do me so I had to find another nail shop that could - I've been waiting three weeks for this. It just wasn't fair!!!!

When I got home from school with the twins, my teenage boys were both home. They were rapid fire asking for this and asking for that. I was going nuts! I think I actually said something like, "What? You're going to be all pissed off because there isn't a free flow of money from me to you?" I think he actually thought I was going to issue unlimited funds for his recreational use. NOT!!

I went up to the park with the twins and went on a long hike. We were gone for about 2 hours with the dogs. I cooled down, the twins got some exercise and I made it back for round two of the flogging. I was so grateful when one of the boys went to bed early because he was tired of me! Ditto!!! Jacob, at this moment is still working on homework and I'm ready to check out for the night. We need to back this train up and get on a different track to head back out tomorrow!

So, yeah, my dogs are looking pretty sweet right now!

Persistence

So the next chapter in my book is "Persistence". I guess it's the flip side of procrastination. Now, procrastination is familiar to me. I know this friend and I have spent the most of my life bonding with this friend. Persistence? I'm not so sure. Here's where I think I have met my "edge".

When I hear the word "no" I automatically think, "Okay, no means no." I'm told that "no" doesn't always mean no and we need to be a little more (okay a lot more) persistent. So I went out in search of this thing called persistence. Guess what? I found him! It turns out he wasn't too far away. Yup, he was right there in my own home!

Robbie asked me if he could have a friend spend the night (on a school night). I, of course, told him no because he had been away all weekend visiting Brandilyn and Dave in Idaho and had gotten home late the night before. He was tired and had a butt load of homework to complete. He was, wait a minute, what was it? Oh yeah, he embraced his BFF Persistence!!! I couldn't believe my good fortune! Here it was live and in color right there in front of my face! Robbie and Persistence worked their magic and got exactly what they wanted. No didn't mean no. It just meant "try a little harder because I want to see you grovel." I witnessed the whole thing!

So there you have it. I have found Persistence and will embrace this new friend in my business ventures and any other aspect of my life that I find it to be beneficial. I think I'm going to ask my husband to watch the kids while I go to Hawaii for a week by myself to soak up the sun. After all . . . No doesn't mean no!!!!!

The Procrastinator!

So in listening to my audio book today, one of the lessons I came away with was that procrastination is one of the most destructive things one can do to oneself when they are trying to move ahead (duh). As ridiculous as it sounds, I am astounded by what a procrastinator I am. I truly am! I never (and who does) want to think of myself as one but, truly I am.

I notice when there is a stack of bills sitting on my desk I detour as far away from my office as possible (which sucks because it is right next to my bedroom). Then, when I actually do sit down at my desk I hide them in a basket under the side of my desk so I won't see them. Now, common sense tells me that they do, eventually, need to get paid and all the receipts entered in my ledgers but somehow putting off the task seems like the only option. Of course, it is SUCH a relief when it is finished.

Then there is dinner. I hate the whole process. Brainstorming about the menu, writing the shopping list, going to the store (yuck, I REALLY hate this part), bringing home the groceries and putting them away and then actually bringing myself into the kitchen to put the whole mess together and call if a meal. I don't care for any part of it. No sir, not me! However, when the fam is fed and I'm doing dishes (ironically I really do enjoy this part), I'm feeling a huge sense of relief - that is, until tomorrow night . . .

Another thing I put off and put off is the whole ceremony of buying gifts for the kids for Christmas and birthdays. I really hate this job too. Oh, I'm happy when they're happy, sure enough. But the whole thing about buying and (gag) wrapping the gifts sucks. It's kind of like dinner all over again. I'm relieved when the whole section of the year from mid-November to mid-February is over (that seems to be when the major influx of gift buying is in my family). Of course, then there is next year . . .

So, yeah, I'm a procrastinator!!!! I admit it! What am I going to do about it? I don't know for sure. Just know that I acknowledge my weakness and I guess that's the first step to recovery. Right?

Dream or Life Lesson?

Today on the way home from church Brian (the "Destroyer" as we call him in our family) recited his dream he had last night to me.

"We were at a mutual activity, well it was set up like a mutual activity, and it was in the gym at the church except it was much larger than the gym we have. There was a whole rack of swords and we each had to choose our weapon. Once we were all ready to "go" another group of guys - like from another church or something - came into the gym and were facing us. We all heard the word "go" and off we went fighting.

There was a ton of blood shed as we were each killing each other. I was fighting next to Chad and he was getting tired so I was killing guys as they were about to attack him. I turned and began defending myself as there were numerous other guys ascending upon me. When I turned back I noticed that Chad had gotten killed and I was like, 'Aw, no way dude, we had each other's back. This sucks!' I had to continue fighting.

When we had defeated that group we had a couple of minutes to recoup when another group was sent in to fight us. We all started again. It was very graphic and gory. I kept thinking to myself, 'It's okay if I die because this is just a dream and I'm gonna wake up in my bed either way.' But then I would take my knife and slice some guys throat and the blood was all over me and the floor.

There was one point when I felt so exhausted that I couldn't go on anymore. I was about to give up and let the other guys just kill me because I just couldn't lift my arm. Just then Kyle Anderson was there to protect me. He said, 'Rest up a second, dude, I've got your back for a spell.' I was so grateful for the break and I was soon back at the battle again.

This went on for several groups. At one point a group came in and there were several guys up in a high spot with bows and arrows. They all had armour on and we didn't. I felt so unprotected but was ready to fight. There was another group of them on the ground trying to use a big rock to get up and join their brethren. I was quick in thinking and reached around and grabbed Chad's sword and was able to stop their progress.

We were all to meet two weeks later. As is usual in dreams, it fast forwarded to that day. My mom had made me a suit of armour and I was showing all my friends how cool it was and bragging about how my mom had made it for me. They were all envious and wished they had one. It was great to feel rested and ready to take on the next wave of fighters."

So that was the dream as he told it to me. I, being me, told him that I felt there could have been a hidden meaning. Like maybe it could be about how we feel we are always fighting for what we believe in and sometimes we feel weak and just want to give up. Brian was thoughtful for a bit and then said, "Hey Mom! This would make a terrific video game!"

I guess the lesson was lost on him! Maybe not, though.

Bopper Tunes

What is it about music? I remember when I was a kid how my mother just thought our rock-n-roll was the music of the devil. She was constantly yelling at us to turn that "damn stuff" off. The louder we played it the more we loved it, the more she yelled and screamed how "horrible, absolutely horrible" the "noise" was.

Okay, fast forward several years and we have today. My teenagers are pretty cool and I really dig their tunes for the most part. I enjoy rap, some R & B and a lot of various other genres. I haven't heard much that I don't care for except for the hard-core swearing on some of the songs. I consider myself a fairly progressive mom. My 18 year old, Brian, mostly listens to country in the mornings when he's getting ready and that is kind of pushing the limits for me. I used to like country but it got too whiney for me.

Which brings me to my point. My 11 year old daughter, Courtney, listens to teeny bopper music. I can't stand it!!! It's just whiney little teen girls singing about stuff they have no business singing about. There is no way on earth these little 14 and 15 year old girls could possibly have had the experiences, heartbreaks or other such adventures that they sing about. Could they? Every time she's in her room, which has a common wall with my office, she turns on this stuff and I cringe! Argh!!! I want to shout, "turn that horrible stuff down!!". I anxiously look at the clock and count the seconds until her bedtime so that she will turn it off.

So, is this one of those times when someone says to me, "What goes around comes around?" I sure hope not. It's funny, because my mother would have given anything for me to be listening to that stuff. So, yeah, I guess it is the whole coming around thing. Ugh.

Positive

There are times when it's just plain difficult to come up with a positive attitude. There are times when you just want to sit down and cry and wish someone would just feel sorry for you. There are also times when you want to throw in the towel and say, "Forget this optimistic, glass-half-full, happy-go-lucky crap."

This would be one of those times. I'm making every effort to resist the temptation. So far, I'm teetering on the edge and could easily fall either way. I'm really going to strive to fall in the direction of my usual persona. You know, the one who is always joking, laughing and correcting people who make negative comments. So, where is that person in my life right now? Where is the person who is going to show me how to feel positive?

Oh, I get it. She's inside me. What? Did you say something? Oh, I get it. Okay, I'll just smile and find an activity that can take my mind of what's bugging me. I can do this. I can, I can, I can.

So, how did I do? Thanks. I think I'm pretty awesome too. That toothache is just a dim memory in the back of my . . . MOUTH! Ouch, crap this hurts!

That feels better now. :)

Happy

Sometimes it's the most simple things in the world that make me the happiest. I can look back on my day thus far and proclaim that nothing spectacular happened. No big checks came in the mail (well, there wasn't any mail so that may have been the issue here), didn't win the lottery (don't play that anyway so that might be the reason), and I'm not on vacation at some exotic tropical paradise (not that I know of, anyway). However, I sit here with a huge smile on my face because . . . I'm just happy.

I live in California and we have had gorgeous, unusual, spring-like weather for over a week now, today was no exception. I had a stellar yoga class this morning. I went on a run up at the park in the dark, tripped and did a face plant in the dirt but came out of the ordeal with a laugh and minimal pain. I got to go on a ride on my horse today - even ponied the twins on the "doofus" horse. I enjoyed a delicious cup of hot chocolate with the sun on my face. My husband called and said that he loves to "just talk to me". My kids are all healthy and happy. Yes, today was a grand day.

It's amazing that we all seem to be waiting for the "big event" to make us happy when, actually, it's just the small day-to-day things that can make us the happiest. To stop and realize the beauty, joy and happiness that is there at our fingertips each and every day is the best blessing of all.

Apple. Tree.

As I was texting my beautiful daughter in Idaho this morning she said something that reminded me of myself. I replied, "Apple. Tree." That has always been our little code to each other that reminds the both of us how much we are alike. I have been told that she is the "spitting image of her mother" since she was a teeny tiny little girl. My friends have always laughed at the things that she did as a child and then they would say something like, "Oh, I can't wait until she starts talking like you." (I used to have very colorful language - let's just leave it at that)

Anyway, I have always been very proud of my little girl. My princess. She's not so little any more but I am so proud of her nonetheless. She has accomplished so much more in her nineteen years than I have in my entire life. Here are some ways we are a lot alike:

• We both love horses - it's just in our blood
• We love to read
• We love to write
• We are sarcastic as all get out - guess that's in our blood too
• We married guys with similar personalities and character traits (argh)
• Animals make us smile - we especially love to rescue neglected, abused creatures
• We LOVE to shop (that might just be a female thing, though)
• Kids drive us nuts!!! The smaller they are the more annoying they seem to be. Babies? YUCK!
• Yoga, yoga, yoga
• We are both just hippies at heart.
• We make friends that last a lifetime

Okay, so here are some things that define us as individuals:

• Horses, yes. I like the freedom of running in the hills - she likes the safety of an arena
• She is very smart and quick witted - I tend to be a more average intelligence
• She did it right and got married in the temple the first time - I, well, didn't. I did, however, finally figure it out and make it right
• I'm a runner and thrive on pushing my body to the absolute limit - she tends to be a little more conservative in her exercise regimen (I think I'm more like her husband in this area)
• She is fanatical about being punctual - I tend to think punctuality is over rated and am pretty laid back in my approach to the whole subject (drives my husband crazy)
• I'm pretty orderly and like things tidy - um, well, we just aren't the same in this department

So there it is! She is my Oboe Joboe (don't ask - it's just a nickname) and my best friend. I love her to pieces and I'm honored to be the tree that has produced such a perfect apple.

The Hunt

Today when I got to the church to help my family do the cleaning after my yoga practice my husband informed me that the twins are going to ask me to go on a hike with them today. Funny, because I was thinking of asking them the same dog gone thing.

So, when we got in the car to head home, sure enough one of them said, "Hey Mom, can we go on a "hunt" today?" I laughed because we have been hiking a couple of times before together up at the park and we would play games like pretending we were Indians or hunting for treasure or even one time we spied on other people hiking pretending they were "bad guys". It's actually a lot of fun. So, of course I agreed that that would be a lot of fun today.

Today was another one of those fabulous 70+ degrees California days. After lunch, we loaded up the dogs and headed for the park. We started off on the trails but quickly launched off the trails to go explore - because I am not one to conform to structure. Oh, we were all over the place and had a lot of fun. Courtney complained mildly a couple of times about being tired but we kept on. Over hills, over rocks, over anything we could find.

They thought it was pretty humorous when we went up to this one area that I had stashed a water bottle in a few weeks earlier. JACOB HAD FOUND TREASURE!!! Because at that moment, water was truly a treasure - a much sought after treasure.

We hiked up to the top of one rock outcropping and were able to look down on a big section of the park, including the staging area. It was majestic!

As I sat there with the sun on my face, my children playing together and my dogs sniffing around, I actually felt as if I had found a bit of heaven. I think I take that back. I DID find heaven because I think that that is just the way I imagine it will be - warm, friendly, relaxing and blissful.

Me

Sometimes when we go deeper inside ourselves we find things that we didn't know existed. Sometimes we learn more about ourselves and discover that there is something really cool about who we are. There is a beautiful person inside each of us - someone who often keeps getting pushed deeper inside but longs to surface and scream to the world, "I AM BEAUTIFUL! I AM GOOD! I AM FANTASTIC!"

What would it be like if more people would shed the skin, the shell if you will, that we have taken years to build up around our soul and allow the beauty to shine? What are we afraid of? Are we afraid we aren't cool enough? Afraid that someone will scoff at us? Afraid of failure?

I am oh-so-slowly learning so much about me. I love me. That's taken 50 years to say but, yes, I love me. I am a beautiful, worthwhile, awesome individual. The more time I spend on the mat the more I understand that the only one that cares about what really is under all the crap is . . . ME! The only one that cares about all the cool discoveries I make - spiritual, physical and mental - is ME! I am so excited to become more acquainted with and spend more time with ME!

This isn't conceit. No, far from it. Self love is the absolute first step toward loving others. I am taking that step and am excited about the journey ahead.

Girl Time

I had lunch today with my friend, Meredith. We were talking the other day and just randomly scheduled a lunch date. We have had lunch together before but it has always been with our friend, Pattie. Today it was just the two of us. I rather enjoyed myself immensely.

Meredith is a pretty unique individual. First of all, she has not one but TWO sets of twins. Yup, you heard me right. What fascinates me is that she handles the whole thing seemingly with a lot of finese and grace. The girls (yeah, they are ALL 4 girls) seem to just cruise along. The older ones are 8 and the younger ones are 6 months.

Today she had to bring the younger ones to lunch and then her hubby, Brady, came by and picked them up when he was free from work. He was soooo darn cute about it. He walks into the restaurant and just loads up his daughters in the stroller, grabs the gear, kisses his lovely wife and encourages us to have a nice lunch. No jealousy, no nasty looks, no frustrated, "poor me" attitude. I was duly impressed. I know I'm on the outside looking in but it just seems that Meredith has found herself a little bit of a gold mine in that guy. Hang on to him, girlfriend!!!

We chatted about a lot of different things. It just feels good taking time out of my life and bonding with my girlfriends. We women really NEED each other, that fact is now obvious to me.

We both discovered that we like Facebook and blogging. She asked me when I told her that I like to blog almost every day, "Are you going to blog about this?" So after a lot of deep thought I decided that I would LOVE to have a little "entry" about another thing in my life that makes me happy and brings sunshine to my soul.

My girl friends!

Lucky Girl!

This morning as I was heading out to feed my trusty steeds a shooting star streaked across the dark sky. It was a beautiful sight and it took my breath away. I love the early morning, always have, and I get excited when God sends me special little presents to put a smile on my face to start the day.

As I was walking with my close friend, Nan, I saw not one but TWO lucky pennies just laying on the ground smiling up at me (I don't pick them up because I think a child would love that opportunity better than I - besides it would be a little embarassing given the value of a penny anymore). I was grateful for the gentle reminder that "good luck" is always shining down upon me.

And, yes, lucky this day was. It was a beautiful California day - 71 degrees, warm and just gorgeous. I got to take a little snooze in my car with the sun on my face. I had wonderful friends to share in my bliss. I have a great family and all members appeared to have had a great day which, in turn, made my day even that much better.

I am healthy, happy and enjoy every day of my life. I am a lucky girl!

Outta Shape!

Today Courtney got out of school early. I planned (yeah me!) and put her bicycle in the back of my car. We drove over to the club and she rode her bike while I did a 5 mile run. I have always, in my adult life, considered myself to be in pretty darn good shape. Well today proved otherwise. I couldn't believe how I was huffing and puffing my way through the majority of that run! Yikes!

So, now guess what? Yup. I get to do that run on a regular basis until it feels good and I "cruise" through the workout. So for tomorrow? Jacob's bike will be in the back of the car. I ride my horse in the morning, have a noon yoga class and then I hit that course again.

It really sucks when you have to practice what you preach.

Lovin' Sunday!

How can today be anything but fabulous? It started out great, was great and ended great. This morning I got up late - 6:30 - and went out to feed my horses. When I came back in Skip was up and dressed, ready to go. Go where? He's not in the bishopric anymore so his attire was sweats and sneakers. Yes! My man went on a looooonnnngggg walk with me up at the park. I (we, I think) had the best time. The weather was gorgeous.

We went to our new church block -11:00 - 2:00 - and then all came home. Brian announced he was going to clean out his truck (there's a good one), Robbie mentioned that he wanted to go try out his dirt bike that just got adjusted, Skip said he was changing and heading back down the hill for choir practice, the twins just wanted to listen to their ipods and I saddled Zoe up and headed for the hills. Oh, it was glorious. It was a warm 72 degrees with the slightest breeze.

A funny thing that happened - just a side note - was that while I was riding up the road, I caught up to my neighbors and two of their friends that were also out for a Sunday ride. They were all toting a can of Coors beer and informed me that they were out on a "cruisin' ride". Just to have a beer, visit and ride. I said, "That's cool", and moved on (like do people really do that??)

I came back from my ride just at dusk (5:30), fed my horses and headed up to the house. Cory, Sarah and Ava were there and appetizers were just coming out of the oven. Oh, what a wonderful day this has been! I got to visit with my kids, play with my grand daughter and have a wonderful family dinner.

I sure do love Sundays.

What Does Skip Do?

There is a question that I get asked constantly. I don’t think I really know. The man is retired yet he is always unavailabe. When I ask him to share in the load with the kids in the afternoons, it is always an exasperated look followed by, “Why are we just now discussing this, Jode?”

Call me irresponsible or call me disorganized but the bottom line is that I just don’t worry about today until . . . well. . . today! It’s just my way. Oh, I have a calendar – actually an iphone – that tells me where I’m supposed to be and what I’m supposed to be doing, but I don’t consult the thing until the day of because, like, why?

So that brings me back to the topic at hand. What does my husband do with his time? I can tell you what he does from my perspective which I’m sure differs a lot from his perspective (or his reality). My husband directs traffic on school mornings, plays golf on a regular basis and goes to meetings. Once in a great while I will see his body up at our place doing “things”.

In the evenings Skip can be found on his computer doing busy things. We haven’t figured out what those busy things are but he is really busy doing them and his desk is almost always a mess. It is all very important paperwork that has to do with the meetings and golf, I’m sure.
So, when the question is asked about my husband’s activities, I guess the answer would be, “He’s very busy doing busy things.” Why else would we never see the guy? Maybe we should ask Skip.

I'm Not Stupid!!!!

So this morning, as we were getting ready for our day, my man and I were having a "discussion" . We weren't having an all out argument (I don't think we've had many of those over the years anyway) but we weren't in total agreement. I said something and then he said, "Don't be stupid." Of course, I took this a my opportunity to inform him:
I'M NOT STUPID!!!!!!!!

Skip attempted to explain to me that he didn't call me stupid but I insisted that, yes indeed, he did infer that I was stupid and I resented it.

So why is it that us women like to take one little thing and blow it up really big? I don't do it all the time but there are times it just happens. I know that he doesn't think I'm stupid. How could that be? It would mean that I'm stupid for loving him, stupid for raising our children, stupid for lots of cool stuff I do.

So, to put more egg on my face, he called me after he left and said, "Just for the record, because I don't want you stewing about it all day, I DID NOT CALL YOU STUPID! I said that what you said was stupid." Of course I had to correct him and say, "You said, 'Don't be stupid'." We both laughed and I then informed him that I was going to go blog about the whole thing. He said, "Don't you dare!"

So I did.

That Pesky Finger, again

I was out riding in the hills with Brandilyn, Skip and Dave about a week ago. New Years Day, I think it was. We were having a fairly okay time - well, everyone except Brandilyn, that is. You see, trail riding is just not her thing. I always thought she would learn to love it since horses seem to be her passion as they are mine, but, now alas, I have finally conceded. My daughter only loves riding in a nice, safe arena - flying over 4' jumps on a 16+ hand horse. Go figure.

But that's not where this story is going. So, we were riding when Dave and I decided it was about time to break into a gentle lope. We just got started when we heard screaming (coming from Brandilyn) behind. It turns out that the naughty horse she was riding took to bucking somewhat. I went to pull my horse up and caught the edge of my nail from that dog gone finger on my saddle. It just peeled the nail right back and sent me to yelping almost as loud as my daughter!

I managed to hold my cool and collect myself. The ride ended soon enough and I went up to the house and trimmed the nail up as short as I could. It just kept throbbing and really being a pain in my tail. I think I might have been a bit verbal about it to boot. Well, this went on for a couple of days. I just kept catching it on stuff or bumping it and it just sent me into some very serious swearing sessions. Skip convinced me that I should see the doc. I finally conceded and told Brandilyn I would be better off amputating the dog gone thing!

After some serious thought, I decided amputation might hurt, be unsightly and hinder my blogging - not to mention be just a wee bit extreme. Can't have that! At any rate, I went to the doc and told him my big sad tale. I was ready to have him numb the finger and remove the nail so I could get on with life. He then looked at me like I was completely daft! "Do you have any idea how much pain you are asking me to inflict upon you?" (I did). "I can see no good reason why you would want that." (well, where should I start?) "Furthermore, the risk of infection and completely damaging your nail bed would be pretty great." (Uh, I guess we don't want to go there again). "If you leave it tapped up the damaged nail is going to fall off within the week and the new nail will start healing normal." (Normal? What is normal? Have I ever seen normal? Huh, what a concept).

So I left his office.

Those Eyes!!!

I am walking down the hall chatting with and being followed by the twins. Busy day, busy evening, always rushing, rushing, rushing. Gotta get that homework done, yes, I will download music on your ipods tonight, make sure those beds are made tomorrow morning . . . as I walk into our office. You are standing at your desk and our eyes meet as I enter the room. All else in my head and my world stops. Nothing exists but the two of us in this moment, right here, right now. I am drawn like a magnet to your side of the office where we meet in a sweet embrace and gently kiss. Mmmmm, I love moments like these when we are so connected.

The magic is broken by one of the twin's insistent nagging for attention. But I know that we will resume the magic later. Oh yes, we will be alone together soon enough.

I met you 28 years ago, married you 22 years ago. I have never regretted that decision to be with you (okay, it took a while to convince me we were supposed to be together, but I finally got it, right?) I have cherished all the time we have spent together. Oh, there have been times when I have wanted to throttle you, when you have annoyed or angered me beyond words, but I wouldn't take a moment of our time here in the mortal existence back. No way!

You are my best friend, my lover, my confidant, my anchor. You allow me to be free enough to soar as high as I am able and then you bring me back to earth when I need to be grounded. I love you and am grateful for your strong and steady presence in my ever changing life.

There are times when the world gets too busy and I get lost in the bustle of everyday life. The kids, the schedules, the chores, and keeping up the pace. But then there are those times when you look my way, our eyes meet and I can't help but getting lost in those eyes!

Present

Brandilyn and Dave have just left. I put on my sneakers, tearfully kiss my sweet husband good-bye and head for the park with my dogs. I love this place. It is my sanctuary. I have laughed, pondered, meditated, cryed and poured out my soul to God here. The only place more spiritual for me would be the temple. This is closer geographically.

I hike for quite a ways - always off the beaten path, that is my way. I love discovering different areas of this place. I love feeling close to the natives that walked here so many years ago and made this their home. I feel their spirits close to my own. I long to know them. To know how they lived, laughed, loved and what they were like. That is not for today, though.

Finally, I come to a rock off the Manzanita trail that is made just for me today. It has moss and small weeds to pad the "seat" that is perfect to curl my body into. The sun is on my face and there is a gentle breeze. Aw, so close to heaven in this place.

I hear a dog way in the distance barking at some disturbance in his life. Way overhead about 20,000 feet I hear the faint noise of a plane carrying passengers to some other location - probably most of them returning from their holiday vacationing. I look off to my right a bit and can see Los Vaqueros reservoir. The water level is rising from the rains we have had. It looks healthy and serene. To the left a bit is the valley floor. I can hear a gentle hum from the energy of the life below. This hum reminds me of the energy that is there and then I suddenly turn my attention to the energy that is in me! Yes! I have enough energy in me to light up that whole city down there. Amazing!

Back to the task at hand. Yes, this place. This lovely place. There are cows grazing not too far from me. I can hear a cow call to her calf and them bustling about as they are attempting to find the perfect spot of grass. Such simple creatures. We are way too complicated. There are birds singing here and there. The wind blows in my face reminding me that I need to go back home. Back to that life that I am molding.

Yes, coming here and forcing myself to be present is a blessing. It feels good to feel good again and I recognize how wonderful my body feels. I am walking back and as I get closer to my car, my heartstrings just tug a little more. What am I doing? I am here. I am right here, right now, in the present. Nothing else matters.

The Top 10

There are so many things in my life that I have to be grateful for. I did mention a few days ago that I was prompted to list 100 things that I was grateful for. I won't bore anyone (least of all myself) by listing the first 100 that I came up with but it is amazing how many things there are when you actually start listing them.

In no particular order, here are my top 10 things today that I am grateful for:

• My ride in the hills with Dave this afternoon. Awww it was the awesomist ride and we laughed and galloped our brains out. Thanks Dave for a great day.
• It's Robbie's birthday and he got to go snowboarding with his brother. I am grateful that my boys get along and are able to go spend a day having a lot of fun together
• Oh, yeah, the most decadent smores you could find in town. Brandilyn made smores for the twins and I and it was pretty righteous. Thanks Brandilyn.
• Skip, Dave, Brandilyn and I were cold and we went out in the spa. It was 38 degrees outside and the spa was 102. Oh yeah. Nothing like a nice warm body.
• My yoga class this morning. We went in expecting Suzanna - nice gentle Suzanna - and ended up in a class with Mollie who kicked some serious yoga butt!!! Nonetheless, we (I) are/am grateful for the workout. It was a nice start to a fabulous day
• For Robbie's birthday, we are all meeting up at Olive Garden in Tracy for a yummy dinner. I am grateful for a wonderful family
• It's officially the last day of Christmas break (tomorrow is church). I am not grateful that it is over but am soooo grateful for the fabulous time we have all had. Having Dave & Brandilyn here only made it so much more rich.
• My husband who allows me to do the things that allow my soul to soar. He never balks when I take my yoga classes, go out for 3-5 mile runs, take off for 3-4 hour trail rides and then he even fixes my finger when I bust it up playing with my horses.
• Really great friends that care - really care - about me. I know we all have friends that we "think" care but I have some choice friends that call for no reason other than to say "hi" and find out how my life is. Thank you for caring and loving me. It means so much.
• Hummus. Okay, I know that is random but I can't help it. The garlic hummus from Trader Joes is just slammin'. I love the stuff and when I got back from a long ride and hadn't eaten since breakfast, nothing, and I mean NOTHING in this world sounded better than diving into a container of that hummus with some really awesome wheat crackers. Oh yeah. Actually, I think I'm heading back into the kitchen to go score some more of that stuff.

Okay, so there you have it. You can actually see that maybe I'm a little off because of my choice of things to be grateful and excited for today - right here, right now. I love life. What can I say? I'm happy and there isn't much in life that brings me down (okay, breaking my finger again wasn't exactly my choice of exciting events to happen but I'm coping somewhat).