Wednesday, March 13, 2013

No kidding?

Saturday I got to go to the rock and gem show with my friend who is WAY more knowledgeable about rocks, stone and crystals than I.  I love her energy and it was fun spending a bit of time together.

As we were about to leave the show, I happened upon the amber table.  There was a Russian woman that was the seller.  Knowing that amber is a great stone to absorb pain, I stopped and took a look see.  Debbie, too, was interested.

I then, speaking TO MY FRIEND, said, "Hey, should I get a necklace or bracelet or anklet to help with the pain in my knee?"

Debbie replied, "I don't think it matters.  The stone is going to absorb the pain regardless of where it is placed on your body."

The Russian woman then approached me and interrupted with, "The reason you have pain in your knee is because you are fat.  If you were not so fat your knee would not hurt."

I looked at her (obviously with astonishment), "excuse me?"

She continued, "you Americans are so fat because you do not exercise much.  In Russia we walk everywhere and do not depend so much on our cars.  We are not fat like you."

Debbie then whispered, "don't listen to her."

It's all good.  I was more in shock that someone could be so bold.  1) I'm pretty sensitive about my weight.  2) yes, I am fat, 3) my knee was the pivotal reason I got so fat because my exercise efforts have been thwarted.  Not that I need to explain any of this to anyone but . . . seriously????

So, did I purchase any amber from this rude woman?  Yeah, I did.  I scored a bracelet and necklace.  Yes, I'm still fat and yes, my knee still hurts.  Hopefully both will change soon.

Growing Season

Courtney is back living with me.  She's been living with my sister for the past 6 months and, frankly, my sister isn't accustomed to parenting and . . . well . . . she's back with me.  It's all good.  I got a 6 month break and now I feel like I can better handle the stresses of raising a special needs child.

I enrolled her in the local high school and yesterday was her first day.  She was so excited to see all of her old friends from before.  She came home as happy as could be.  She kept thanking me over and over for putting her in that school so that she could not feel so awkward when she was technically a "new" kid.

One class, that happens to be her first period of the day, that she particularly is NOT too fond of is PE.  Court has always struggled with this class - typically getting a D or F.  I ask, "how does one actually go about failing PE?"  Answer:  You don't dress out because you are too "sick" to take PE.  Bad answer!!!

I think this morning I might have found a little closer to the truth:

C:  Mom, there is something that is really bothering me that I don't know what to do about.
Me:  Mmm.  What's that, Court?
C:  I don't have breasts.
Me:  Oh.  Well, that's not something I can help you with but I'm pretty sure your day is coming.
C:  Well, I looked it up in the book and it said that breasts grow anywhere from between 10 years old to 15.  I've missed the growing time.  I don't think mine are going to grow.

Okay . . . I was driving DOWN THE HILL when this little bit of wisdom was shared with me.  I swear I almost wrecked Herkie trying not to break up into hysterics.  Actually, if the look on her face hadn't been so sad and pathetic, I might have.

I then informed my child that that was just an average for young girls.  There are always exceptions to the rule and she was one of them.  (Really, babe, count your blessings.)

Wow . . . I truly didn't see that one coming.

Saturday, March 2, 2013

Lotus Spa

I love cruises.  I really do.  I love food.  I love new places.  I love doing much of nothing and being a fat cat.  It's the good life but it DOES come to an end eventually.

One of my favorite indulgences is the Lotus Spa.  We go up there and score on massages, facials and the like.  I'm a massage junkie so this is definitely a high point for me.  I do my share of foot, face and back zones to barter for amazing massages on a regular basis at home but here, I get to pay a FAT amount of dough to bliss out.

When you first waltz into this place on the ship they thrust a clipboard with a questionaire in your lap and instruct you to fill it out.  It has things like "concerns" and little boxes to check.  You know . . . weight gain, lethargy, cellulite, etc. etc. (check, check, check).  Then the cute little darling come along and escorts you to your massage room.

On one occasion, she says, "I see here that you have concerns about weight gain and cellulite and .... I wanted to let you know that we have treatments that can help you with these problems.  You can book an appointment with a specialist and they will help you find things you can apply that will help these problems disappear."

I gave the little sweetie a "look" and then informed her, "My issues are not caused by some random cruel act of God.  They are not going to go away by putting magical potions on my skin.  No, my issues are a result of me not gaining control of the fork to mouth action.  My issues are caused by to much input and not enough output (exercise)."  I think my honesty blew her away.  I further informed her that learning to exercise a lot of self control and applying the "Mind over Platter" theory into my life and pushing myself to move my bum more would give me the desired results.  Sorry, babe, no sale here for your magical products.

Then, letting her know that I was here purely to gain an hour or so of relaxation - nothing more, shut her down.  I know their job is to sell, sell, sell but honestly that is a big turn off and kills the whole motivation of my being there.  I must say that to Skip's and my credit we did amazing this time around.  We did not buy ONE product from them and we feel pretty good about that.

Tortoises Rule!

As I mentioned numerous times in the past, I'm a runner.  I haven't been practicing my "art" as a runner for a bit over a year now because of the complainings of a rogue knee.  So when Brandilyn said that she was participating in the Phoenix Marathon, I had to say this was too good to pass up.  I wanna play too!

Well, power walking became my new game.  I dusted off my trusty treadmill (well actually Jeff did) and went to work.  I was booking it and felt pretty good about my progress.  When I told Skip that I was going to walk the 10K he said, "Well then, what's the point of doing it?"  What?  To get back in the game, Homie!  To feel the energy of runners!  To relive my . . . youth?

Today was race day.  I honestly wasn't nervous.  I was pretty sure that I would be finishing dead last and even that didn't bother me much (well, okay, it did).  I told Brandilyn that it wouldn't bother me if she took off out ahead of me (she didn't).

We started off at a slow jog and continued on that vein for about two miles.  We were passing a LOT of people (good for the ego).  Finally, fearful that I would blow out that knee of mine, I said that I needed to break it down to a power walk.  Brandilyn was agreeable and walked for about three nano seconds and then decided that a slow jog beside my walk was just fine for her.  To her credit she didn't walk the rest of the way (applause for that!).

Oh, people passed us but I wasn't too concerned.  We passed quite a few peeps - and a LOT of them were running (jogging).  It felt good to round the final corner and look back to a lot of participants behind us.  Brandilyn then said, "Come on, Mom.  The finish line is just up ahead.  Let's run the last little bit!"  I couldn't let my baby girl down so I complied.

I have to say the old adage, "slow and steady wins the race" held true for us tortoise girls today.  Team Tortoise rocked it!  We averaged a 12:26 pace.  Not bad - not my PR, but not bad for someone who hasn't done this for 25 years, right?