Tuesday, September 10, 2013

What's The Deal?

Short and sweet this post will be.

I haven't blogged like I used to blog lately.  I was thinking about that and wondering what the flip my issue was.  I want to blog.  I love to blog.  It's a nice way to get stuff off my chest and to have a "trail" of what I've been going through so what's the deal?

A person close to me that I respect and lot and love more than words can express told me that she read something I had posted and it "really upset her" and she was not going to read my blog anymore because of it.  I took this so personally.  Is this the reason I don't blog much anymore?

There's the whole "I'm busy" thing.  Actually I AM super busy by design.  I teach yoga and have been taking on as many classes as I can because it really makes me happy to teach.  It's also a sweet way to escape my "life."  Is this the reaon I don't blog much anymore?

Lastly, there's the "I just don't feel like putting myself out there" excuse.  Honestly, my life has been in a tough place lately and I have holed up inside WAY too long.  I've gone into self pity, depression and a menagerie of other behaviours that are undesireable including self destruction.  I'm moving past all of this but is this the reason I don't blog much anymore?

Probably a combination of all of the above.  Today I feel healthy with my fingers tapping across these keys.  I feel happy.  I feel ALIVE.  Maybe I do need to blog.  So, to those who don't like what I have to say I say "forgive me for not agreeing with you.  I will give you your space and I respectfully ask that you return the favor to me."

Just Stuff

Our family is on vacation in Pinetop, Arizona (HOLLA!!).  Why did we pick such a random place?  Truthfully, our timeshare has a spot here and it seemed like a nice place to go for a low key relaxing vacay and it is.  The weather has been cool and it has rained every day we've been here.  I might add that we haven't really seen rain in our hood for about 10 months and it's a sweet refreshing change.

However, at home there seems to be a whole different story going on.  I left my place in the capable hands of my son's girlfriend and, I might add, she's doing an amazing job especially considering the circumstances.  We got a call (well a lot of calls) that fire had broke out on our road on Sunday afternoon.  It's turned out that it's a pretty serious fire blazing several thousand acres of real estate.
This has left our family pretty unsettled and fearful for our place.  So far, we've been told, our place isn't in immediate danger.

As I was about to go into meditation yesterday I was pondering what (besides my beloved animals) in my home would devastate me if it were lost to a fire.  I mentally went through each room and didn't come up with much.  Oh there's things that have been passed down in my family to me and that I intend to pass down to my children but even those things didn't seem to "devastate" me.  It made me a wee bit sad at the minute prospect of losing these things but "devastation" wasn't the emotion I was feeling.

Yes, my husband put his heart and soul into building our home - well remolding it into a gradiose structure - but even that just felt like something that wouldn't wipe me out.  I love and enjoy our home.  It's been a great place to raise our children and we now have it for sale so that we can buy something smaller, cheaper and more manageable to spend our golden years in.

I know I consider myself to be a "detached" individual.  I don't particularly like this aspect of my persona but it is a reality.  However, is this taking it too far?  To not really have emotion over losing all my material possessions?  I feel like my family is safe.  I have a LOT of concern about my beloved animals.  Even the chickens (lol).  I would be devastated if they were harmed because of this.  I often think of them and hope they aren't frightened because of all the smoke and helicopters and other such commotion that surely must be going on.

Nonetheless, I choose to embrace who I am ... detached.  I am going to choose to be grateful that I'm not in a tither about all of this.  I will continue to send good vibes in the direction of Livermore and place my trust and confidence in those firefighters that are battling the "Morgan Blaze."  I also choose to enjoy the balance of my relaxing vacation and look forward to being reunited with my happy dogs, cuddly cats (yes, I just did say that), trusty steeds and . . . can I say it? . . . obnoxious but somehow loveable chickens.  After all, the rest of it is JUST STUFF right?