The Long Way Home

I was having a convo with my mom the other day and I told her about this moment in time and she said, "Remember that feeling.  Go back to it often.  Sooner or later it will become your reality."

For 27 years I have been parenting kids.  No, not just being a parent, but out and out PARENTING.  I'm burned out and I'm having trouble finding the mojo to keep going.  1-1/2 weeks ago one of those moments arrived where I felt like I had finally reached my limit.

Skip got really sick and I left my life here and headed south to take care of him.  Robbie pissed off the law and they responded by giving him new digs, new duds and three squares a day.  Jacob had a meltdown in public and the PD invited him to kick it at a neutral place for a couple of days.  All this culminated on Sunday 1-1/2 weeks ago.  Danielle was in the thick of things trying to juggle all the 911.  Suffice it to say that things were a mess.

I was flying home and really dreading what I was coming home to.  I knew Skip was in good hands because Dave was flying south to take over his care until I could get back later in the week.  My normal response when I land in Oakland is to make a mad dash for my car and race home to relieve Danielle of my life feeling guilt the whole time for being gone and not hurrying fast enough.  She's usually texting me anxiously inquiring about when I expected to be home. 

Not so much on this Sunday.  When my plane landed and I turned on my phone there were no messages.  No inquiries.  I raced out to my car as usual and, when I got inside of Herkie it finally hit me.  Nobody needed me.  Nobody cared when or even IF I came home.  Frankly, nobody gave a damn about me or anything I was doing.  I knew Danielle and Jeff were in for the night enjoying each other's company (as a couple should be doing when they are on the threshold of expecting their first child) and had no concern about me or my whereabouts. It felt amazing. It felt liberating. It felt . . . like heaven. I was free! 

As a smile crept across my tense face I finally, for the first time in a long time, relaxed.  And, yes, I took the long way home.