Let's Start Legging Up!

In the horse world that means to start getting into shape.  I've become quite slothful in that arena of my life and the buck needs to stop here, lol.


For the last 27 years I have carried the title of "mother" and "wife".  Recently I've added "zoner" (which I've spent an exorbitant amount of money on only to discover that there's no desire for my services as an energy healer.  Still trying to determine how or why I was prompted to follow that dead end but whatever) and yoga teacher (I resonate with this one).  I feel I'm ready to add "Jody" to that list and quit doing my life and begin living it.


So besides the obvious physical aspect of getting ready for my adventure in 2016, I need to get a lot of other items checked off my list:


1.  Start exercising and hiking on a daily basis again CHECK
2.  Quit smoking (wait . . . I don't smoke . . . nvm) CHECK (I think I just like having another check)
3.  Start researching the logistics of this trip i.e. what to pack, how much $$, ideal hike months etc.
4.  Begin transitioning fuel intake to quality grub (might just be the hardest part here)
5.  Abandon my evil ways (no details given here).


Today I hiked in the hills where I live.  Although my ankle was screaming and begging me to stop (I'm pretty sure he was the spokesperson for the rest of my body), I kept going and logged about 4 miles on.  Not too bad, I guess.  I made sure the course was riddled with plenty of steep hills.


So #6 on my list might be to see if I can convince Mr. Weltz to go on some two day hiking trips with me.  I'll sweeten the deal by suggesting we bring the horse trailer with a nice comfy bed to lay ourselves in at the end of the day (oh, and a double bonus would be NO KIDS!!). 


And she's off!!!

On "The Way"

There are times when you make a goal and then have to commit to that goal by telling someone your intention.  I told my sister, my mom and a few family members and now I'm saying it in this sort of public place. 


Right now is the heaviest and most unhealthy I have ever been in my life.  And THAT'S including the years I was a cigarette and pot smoking, alcohol guzzling balls-to-the-wall party animal (that was SO last week, lol).  I've let go of caring about myself amidst a pommeling of injuries, kid problems, financial challenges and various other obstacles.  Depression was starting to become all too familiar to me.  I have become a junk food consuming couch potato (seriously?)   I want to be so finished with all of that and move in the direction of happiness and self love again.


For the next however long, my blog will be predominantly about my goal.  I'm motivated, dedicated and quest for the best (stole that from my Weight Watcher leader of yesteryear). 


So here it is . . . a fellow yogi suggested I watch the move "The Way" on Netflix.  I did (highly recommend) and it has changed my life.  I have always been a bit of a dreamer and outside-of-the-box kind of girl.  The summer of 2016, when the twins are 18 and no longer my responsibility, I will be taking at least 6 weeks away from my life and traveling to France to walk The Way.  It's about a 500 mile journey from France to the Atlantic Ocean in Spain.  It is said to take about 4-5 weeks, depending on how many miles you log on each day.


This is my quest.  This is my "pilgrimage" (word they use to describe the journey).  This is personal and I'm determined.  Whether I make this journey alone or with a companion, I don't know or care at this point.  I have a LOT of work to do to prepare myself in every way. 


Wish me luck!

A Truck Called Happiness

Last night I had a dream that kept going and going and going . .



I had a boyfriend named Gary (wtf?).  He let me use his vintage yellow pickup truck to pickup kids from school or whatever.  I parked the truck on a street and hoofed it from there to wherever I was going.  I came back and couldn't find the truck.  Thus began my search.



I found Danielle and a bunch of family having fun camping.  There were tents and campfire and fun everywhere.  I told her I was looking for Gary's truck and she told me to be quiet because the baby was sleeping.  I found the keys lying in a stack of clothes.  Yay!  Still, though, no truck.



I ended up driving on a crazy obstacle course with gardens and waterfalls and all sorts of nature things and was so concentrated on getting through the course so that I could go look for the truck.  The people in the car with me were yelling at me to slow down and be careful.  I even was on a downhill road and hit 95 mph (yeah, that's fast for me).  I was determined to finish this task so that I could get back to finding the truck.



Then I ended up at a massive outdoor party on a big ranch that Mary Wolf was throwing.  I was so frustrated with getting through all the people that were asking me to stop and visit awhile.  I needed to find that damn truck!  Mary even came out with some targets and guns and was excited that there was going to be target shooting.  She said, "Come on, Jody, it's going to be loud and fun!!"  Nope.  I wasn't going to stay.  I needed to find the truck.



At one point I was in my 64 Plymouth Fury that I owned when I was 16 years old (yep, bought that baby for $350 back then!).  I was just pissed off because the car would barely run and I wanted to get where I had to get quickly.  Then, Skip was sitting in the passenger seat of another car with me and telling me to drive more careful. I blew right through one of those gates that come down at like a toll bridge.  Nice. 



Guntzy (actually her name is Joanne Gunter) who died in 1998 was in my dream as well helping me find the truck.



So, I woke up this morning and was "wtf was THAT?"  While I was sitting in meditation it became pretty clear to me. . . .



I rush and rush and rush through my whole life looking for happiness (the yellow truck, duh).  I never stop to really enjoy where I am and what I'm doing.  Happiness is not a thing or a place.  Happiness is the moment.  Enjoying a pretty righteous cup of coffee or an amazing glass of wine or a playful moment with your grandchild. 



We have had our home on and off the market now for about four years.  We have had our "stuff" in storage for most of that time in order to stage the house.  All I've done is bitch and gripe for these years and be pissed off because we can't move on with our lives.  Honestly, I wish I could go back and enjoy the time I've had here.  I have a great house. 



Moving forward, I hope that I can remember to enjoy more moments to their fullest and just "be" where I am instead of consistently in search of the next best thing.  I read a goofy saying on Facebook awhile back and I think it applies to every aspect of life . . .



"Oh that I could weigh as much as I did the first time I thought I was fat."

Days Like This

Today is a good day.  It's Sunday (yay), sunny (yay), warm (yay) and quiet (double, triple yay) at the compound today.  Danielle and Jeff are off doing something.  Robbie is out dirt biking with his buddy and Skip just left for Canada for the week. That just leaves Courtney and I here.  Sundays and Fridays are my days off so I really strive to make NO plans for those days and just enjoy them.  Today feels especially golden.

I was just outside working.  Birds are chirping and the day is just warm enough to feel amazing but not too hot.  Nobody is bothering me (well except Courtney asking me random questions).  Everything feels great.  Inside I have my quiet meditation room (aka Bitch Cave) that I plan to slip into in a bit and enjoy as well.  Yes, I'm in love with this day.

Of course, a day like this gives me pause to reconsider whether I really want to move from here.  I can list a LOT of reasons why I don't want to live here on the compound anymore.  Another day they would be big and valid.  Today, they seem so insignificant. 

A day like this brings me back to what I consistently teach in all of my yoga classes:  Bring your attention to this breath, this moment, right now. 

So, for now, I'll just feel the greatness of now.  Tomorrow or another day will bring with it whatever it brings.  I'm sure this moment will pass into another moment that might not be as zen. 

Jai!

Slow Down

Thursday night I bopped into the studio to teach my Stretch & Release class.  Same class I usually teach there but on a whole different night.  This was to be my first night teaching this class on Thursdays so I wasn't expecting a big crowd. 

My boss (and friend) was still there saying "good bye" to her students and finishing up administrative stuff as my class was coming in.  A young woman blasted in the door with her mat in hand and seemed to be on a mission as she was heading for her "spot" in the studio.  Cool.  Obviously she heard someone else conversing with me and got the heads up that I was the teacher.  She looked at me, sized me up (okay, I'm a larger middle aged woman) and said, "you the teacher for this class?"

"Yep, I am!" (with my bestest smile).

"What kind of class is this?" (obviously from her assessment of me it wasn't going to be what she came for, but then I already knew that from the way she was bustling in and the stressed out, maxed out look on her face).

"This is a deep stretch class."

"Oh, I was looking for a more intense workout.  I'll come back another time."

"Okay!" (with my bestest smile AGAIN!)

My boss heard this interaction and intercepted Miss Full Throttle as she was heading out the door.  She told her that she was twice her age and for her to stop and just listen to wiser, older person for just a second.  The young dynamo did (to my surprise).

Gloria (my boss) said, "There will always be opportunities for you to push yourself to the max in a class.  There will always be teachers that are willing to offer a class that takes one to their full potential.  However, slowing down and taking a nice stretch class and taking care of yourself is equally important.  Jody here, is our guru and I don't think you will be disappointed if you stay.  I mean, look, you already are here, you've already carved this time out of your busy day and you already have your mat."

The young woman did stay.  I soon realized that she was VERY tight and not flexible at all.  I worked with her (my class was small) and assisted her in a lot of our melting and stretching poses.  She kept saying, "wow, I really need this" several times over throughout the class.

At the end of class as everyone was leaving she came up to me and said, "I'm so glad I stayed.  That was an amazing class.  I'll definitely be back next week.  Thank you so much."

And THAT is why I love to teach a nice sweet stretch class.  Everyone needs to slow down and take time out to just take care of themselves.  Something our culture seriously lacks.

What's The Deal?

Short and sweet this post will be.

I haven't blogged like I used to blog lately.  I was thinking about that and wondering what the flip my issue was.  I want to blog.  I love to blog.  It's a nice way to get stuff off my chest and to have a "trail" of what I've been going through so what's the deal?

A person close to me that I respect and lot and love more than words can express told me that she read something I had posted and it "really upset her" and she was not going to read my blog anymore because of it.  I took this so personally.  Is this the reason I don't blog much anymore?

There's the whole "I'm busy" thing.  Actually I AM super busy by design.  I teach yoga and have been taking on as many classes as I can because it really makes me happy to teach.  It's also a sweet way to escape my "life."  Is this the reaon I don't blog much anymore?

Lastly, there's the "I just don't feel like putting myself out there" excuse.  Honestly, my life has been in a tough place lately and I have holed up inside WAY too long.  I've gone into self pity, depression and a menagerie of other behaviours that are undesireable including self destruction.  I'm moving past all of this but is this the reason I don't blog much anymore?

Probably a combination of all of the above.  Today I feel healthy with my fingers tapping across these keys.  I feel happy.  I feel ALIVE.  Maybe I do need to blog.  So, to those who don't like what I have to say I say "forgive me for not agreeing with you.  I will give you your space and I respectfully ask that you return the favor to me."

Just Stuff

Our family is on vacation in Pinetop, Arizona (HOLLA!!).  Why did we pick such a random place?  Truthfully, our timeshare has a spot here and it seemed like a nice place to go for a low key relaxing vacay and it is.  The weather has been cool and it has rained every day we've been here.  I might add that we haven't really seen rain in our hood for about 10 months and it's a sweet refreshing change.

However, at home there seems to be a whole different story going on.  I left my place in the capable hands of my son's girlfriend and, I might add, she's doing an amazing job especially considering the circumstances.  We got a call (well a lot of calls) that fire had broke out on our road on Sunday afternoon.  It's turned out that it's a pretty serious fire blazing several thousand acres of real estate.
This has left our family pretty unsettled and fearful for our place.  So far, we've been told, our place isn't in immediate danger.

As I was about to go into meditation yesterday I was pondering what (besides my beloved animals) in my home would devastate me if it were lost to a fire.  I mentally went through each room and didn't come up with much.  Oh there's things that have been passed down in my family to me and that I intend to pass down to my children but even those things didn't seem to "devastate" me.  It made me a wee bit sad at the minute prospect of losing these things but "devastation" wasn't the emotion I was feeling.

Yes, my husband put his heart and soul into building our home - well remolding it into a gradiose structure - but even that just felt like something that wouldn't wipe me out.  I love and enjoy our home.  It's been a great place to raise our children and we now have it for sale so that we can buy something smaller, cheaper and more manageable to spend our golden years in.

I know I consider myself to be a "detached" individual.  I don't particularly like this aspect of my persona but it is a reality.  However, is this taking it too far?  To not really have emotion over losing all my material possessions?  I feel like my family is safe.  I have a LOT of concern about my beloved animals.  Even the chickens (lol).  I would be devastated if they were harmed because of this.  I often think of them and hope they aren't frightened because of all the smoke and helicopters and other such commotion that surely must be going on.

Nonetheless, I choose to embrace who I am ... detached.  I am going to choose to be grateful that I'm not in a tither about all of this.  I will continue to send good vibes in the direction of Livermore and place my trust and confidence in those firefighters that are battling the "Morgan Blaze."  I also choose to enjoy the balance of my relaxing vacation and look forward to being reunited with my happy dogs, cuddly cats (yes, I just did say that), trusty steeds and . . . can I say it? . . . obnoxious but somehow loveable chickens.  After all, the rest of it is JUST STUFF right?