Today is a good day. It's Sunday (yay), sunny (yay), warm (yay) and quiet (double, triple yay) at the compound today. Danielle and Jeff are off doing something. Robbie is out dirt biking with his buddy and Skip just left for Canada for the week. That just leaves Courtney and I here. Sundays and Fridays are my days off so I really strive to make NO plans for those days and just enjoy them. Today feels especially golden.
I was just outside working. Birds are chirping and the day is just warm enough to feel amazing but not too hot. Nobody is bothering me (well except Courtney asking me random questions). Everything feels great. Inside I have my quiet meditation room (aka Bitch Cave) that I plan to slip into in a bit and enjoy as well. Yes, I'm in love with this day.
Of course, a day like this gives me pause to reconsider whether I really want to move from here. I can list a LOT of reasons why I don't want to live here on the compound anymore. Another day they would be big and valid. Today, they seem so insignificant.
A day like this brings me back to what I consistently teach in all of my yoga classes: Bring your attention to this breath, this moment, right now.
So, for now, I'll just feel the greatness of now. Tomorrow or another day will bring with it whatever it brings. I'm sure this moment will pass into another moment that might not be as zen.
Jai!
Sunday, October 6, 2013
Saturday, October 5, 2013
Slow Down
Thursday night I bopped into the studio to teach my Stretch & Release class. Same class I usually teach there but on a whole different night. This was to be my first night teaching this class on Thursdays so I wasn't expecting a big crowd.
My boss (and friend) was still there saying "good bye" to her students and finishing up administrative stuff as my class was coming in. A young woman blasted in the door with her mat in hand and seemed to be on a mission as she was heading for her "spot" in the studio. Cool. Obviously she heard someone else conversing with me and got the heads up that I was the teacher. She looked at me, sized me up (okay, I'm a larger middle aged woman) and said, "you the teacher for this class?"
"Yep, I am!" (with my bestest smile).
"What kind of class is this?" (obviously from her assessment of me it wasn't going to be what she came for, but then I already knew that from the way she was bustling in and the stressed out, maxed out look on her face).
"This is a deep stretch class."
"Oh, I was looking for a more intense workout. I'll come back another time."
"Okay!" (with my bestest smile AGAIN!)
My boss heard this interaction and intercepted Miss Full Throttle as she was heading out the door. She told her that she was twice her age and for her to stop and just listen to wiser, older person for just a second. The young dynamo did (to my surprise).
Gloria (my boss) said, "There will always be opportunities for you to push yourself to the max in a class. There will always be teachers that are willing to offer a class that takes one to their full potential. However, slowing down and taking a nice stretch class and taking care of yourself is equally important. Jody here, is our guru and I don't think you will be disappointed if you stay. I mean, look, you already are here, you've already carved this time out of your busy day and you already have your mat."
The young woman did stay. I soon realized that she was VERY tight and not flexible at all. I worked with her (my class was small) and assisted her in a lot of our melting and stretching poses. She kept saying, "wow, I really need this" several times over throughout the class.
At the end of class as everyone was leaving she came up to me and said, "I'm so glad I stayed. That was an amazing class. I'll definitely be back next week. Thank you so much."
And THAT is why I love to teach a nice sweet stretch class. Everyone needs to slow down and take time out to just take care of themselves. Something our culture seriously lacks.
My boss (and friend) was still there saying "good bye" to her students and finishing up administrative stuff as my class was coming in. A young woman blasted in the door with her mat in hand and seemed to be on a mission as she was heading for her "spot" in the studio. Cool. Obviously she heard someone else conversing with me and got the heads up that I was the teacher. She looked at me, sized me up (okay, I'm a larger middle aged woman) and said, "you the teacher for this class?"
"Yep, I am!" (with my bestest smile).
"What kind of class is this?" (obviously from her assessment of me it wasn't going to be what she came for, but then I already knew that from the way she was bustling in and the stressed out, maxed out look on her face).
"This is a deep stretch class."
"Oh, I was looking for a more intense workout. I'll come back another time."
"Okay!" (with my bestest smile AGAIN!)
My boss heard this interaction and intercepted Miss Full Throttle as she was heading out the door. She told her that she was twice her age and for her to stop and just listen to wiser, older person for just a second. The young dynamo did (to my surprise).
Gloria (my boss) said, "There will always be opportunities for you to push yourself to the max in a class. There will always be teachers that are willing to offer a class that takes one to their full potential. However, slowing down and taking a nice stretch class and taking care of yourself is equally important. Jody here, is our guru and I don't think you will be disappointed if you stay. I mean, look, you already are here, you've already carved this time out of your busy day and you already have your mat."
The young woman did stay. I soon realized that she was VERY tight and not flexible at all. I worked with her (my class was small) and assisted her in a lot of our melting and stretching poses. She kept saying, "wow, I really need this" several times over throughout the class.
At the end of class as everyone was leaving she came up to me and said, "I'm so glad I stayed. That was an amazing class. I'll definitely be back next week. Thank you so much."
And THAT is why I love to teach a nice sweet stretch class. Everyone needs to slow down and take time out to just take care of themselves. Something our culture seriously lacks.
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
What's The Deal?
Short and sweet this post will be.
I haven't blogged like I used to blog lately. I was thinking about that and wondering what the flip my issue was. I want to blog. I love to blog. It's a nice way to get stuff off my chest and to have a "trail" of what I've been going through so what's the deal?
A person close to me that I respect and lot and love more than words can express told me that she read something I had posted and it "really upset her" and she was not going to read my blog anymore because of it. I took this so personally. Is this the reason I don't blog much anymore?
There's the whole "I'm busy" thing. Actually I AM super busy by design. I teach yoga and have been taking on as many classes as I can because it really makes me happy to teach. It's also a sweet way to escape my "life." Is this the reaon I don't blog much anymore?
Lastly, there's the "I just don't feel like putting myself out there" excuse. Honestly, my life has been in a tough place lately and I have holed up inside WAY too long. I've gone into self pity, depression and a menagerie of other behaviours that are undesireable including self destruction. I'm moving past all of this but is this the reason I don't blog much anymore?
Probably a combination of all of the above. Today I feel healthy with my fingers tapping across these keys. I feel happy. I feel ALIVE. Maybe I do need to blog. So, to those who don't like what I have to say I say "forgive me for not agreeing with you. I will give you your space and I respectfully ask that you return the favor to me."
I haven't blogged like I used to blog lately. I was thinking about that and wondering what the flip my issue was. I want to blog. I love to blog. It's a nice way to get stuff off my chest and to have a "trail" of what I've been going through so what's the deal?
A person close to me that I respect and lot and love more than words can express told me that she read something I had posted and it "really upset her" and she was not going to read my blog anymore because of it. I took this so personally. Is this the reason I don't blog much anymore?
There's the whole "I'm busy" thing. Actually I AM super busy by design. I teach yoga and have been taking on as many classes as I can because it really makes me happy to teach. It's also a sweet way to escape my "life." Is this the reaon I don't blog much anymore?
Lastly, there's the "I just don't feel like putting myself out there" excuse. Honestly, my life has been in a tough place lately and I have holed up inside WAY too long. I've gone into self pity, depression and a menagerie of other behaviours that are undesireable including self destruction. I'm moving past all of this but is this the reason I don't blog much anymore?
Probably a combination of all of the above. Today I feel healthy with my fingers tapping across these keys. I feel happy. I feel ALIVE. Maybe I do need to blog. So, to those who don't like what I have to say I say "forgive me for not agreeing with you. I will give you your space and I respectfully ask that you return the favor to me."
Just Stuff
Our family is on vacation in Pinetop, Arizona (HOLLA!!). Why did we pick such a random place? Truthfully, our timeshare has a spot here and it seemed like a nice place to go for a low key relaxing vacay and it is. The weather has been cool and it has rained every day we've been here. I might add that we haven't really seen rain in our hood for about 10 months and it's a sweet refreshing change.
However, at home there seems to be a whole different story going on. I left my place in the capable hands of my son's girlfriend and, I might add, she's doing an amazing job especially considering the circumstances. We got a call (well a lot of calls) that fire had broke out on our road on Sunday afternoon. It's turned out that it's a pretty serious fire blazing several thousand acres of real estate.
This has left our family pretty unsettled and fearful for our place. So far, we've been told, our place isn't in immediate danger.
As I was about to go into meditation yesterday I was pondering what (besides my beloved animals) in my home would devastate me if it were lost to a fire. I mentally went through each room and didn't come up with much. Oh there's things that have been passed down in my family to me and that I intend to pass down to my children but even those things didn't seem to "devastate" me. It made me a wee bit sad at the minute prospect of losing these things but "devastation" wasn't the emotion I was feeling.
Yes, my husband put his heart and soul into building our home - well remolding it into a gradiose structure - but even that just felt like something that wouldn't wipe me out. I love and enjoy our home. It's been a great place to raise our children and we now have it for sale so that we can buy something smaller, cheaper and more manageable to spend our golden years in.
I know I consider myself to be a "detached" individual. I don't particularly like this aspect of my persona but it is a reality. However, is this taking it too far? To not really have emotion over losing all my material possessions? I feel like my family is safe. I have a LOT of concern about my beloved animals. Even the chickens (lol). I would be devastated if they were harmed because of this. I often think of them and hope they aren't frightened because of all the smoke and helicopters and other such commotion that surely must be going on.
Nonetheless, I choose to embrace who I am ... detached. I am going to choose to be grateful that I'm not in a tither about all of this. I will continue to send good vibes in the direction of Livermore and place my trust and confidence in those firefighters that are battling the "Morgan Blaze." I also choose to enjoy the balance of my relaxing vacation and look forward to being reunited with my happy dogs, cuddly cats (yes, I just did say that), trusty steeds and . . . can I say it? . . . obnoxious but somehow loveable chickens. After all, the rest of it is JUST STUFF right?
However, at home there seems to be a whole different story going on. I left my place in the capable hands of my son's girlfriend and, I might add, she's doing an amazing job especially considering the circumstances. We got a call (well a lot of calls) that fire had broke out on our road on Sunday afternoon. It's turned out that it's a pretty serious fire blazing several thousand acres of real estate.
This has left our family pretty unsettled and fearful for our place. So far, we've been told, our place isn't in immediate danger.
As I was about to go into meditation yesterday I was pondering what (besides my beloved animals) in my home would devastate me if it were lost to a fire. I mentally went through each room and didn't come up with much. Oh there's things that have been passed down in my family to me and that I intend to pass down to my children but even those things didn't seem to "devastate" me. It made me a wee bit sad at the minute prospect of losing these things but "devastation" wasn't the emotion I was feeling.
Yes, my husband put his heart and soul into building our home - well remolding it into a gradiose structure - but even that just felt like something that wouldn't wipe me out. I love and enjoy our home. It's been a great place to raise our children and we now have it for sale so that we can buy something smaller, cheaper and more manageable to spend our golden years in.
I know I consider myself to be a "detached" individual. I don't particularly like this aspect of my persona but it is a reality. However, is this taking it too far? To not really have emotion over losing all my material possessions? I feel like my family is safe. I have a LOT of concern about my beloved animals. Even the chickens (lol). I would be devastated if they were harmed because of this. I often think of them and hope they aren't frightened because of all the smoke and helicopters and other such commotion that surely must be going on.
Nonetheless, I choose to embrace who I am ... detached. I am going to choose to be grateful that I'm not in a tither about all of this. I will continue to send good vibes in the direction of Livermore and place my trust and confidence in those firefighters that are battling the "Morgan Blaze." I also choose to enjoy the balance of my relaxing vacation and look forward to being reunited with my happy dogs, cuddly cats (yes, I just did say that), trusty steeds and . . . can I say it? . . . obnoxious but somehow loveable chickens. After all, the rest of it is JUST STUFF right?
Thursday, August 8, 2013
Ahimsa
Sanskrit word that means "non-injury in thought, word and deed."
A few days ago I walked into a store that no "good" Mormon would go into. I made a purchase that no "good" Mormon would on a day that (you got it) no "good" Mormon would shop. I was dressed up in my "Molly" clothes and, yes, that was definitely me. I refuse to made excuses or explain myself because, quite frankly, it's nobody's business what I was up to.
There were three people in the establishment. The young woman behind the counter, a man that I assumed to be a chain smoking alcoholic meth addict and a middle aged woman with a birth defect that left her with one badly deformed short stub of a left arm. All three were having friendly conversation and seemingly enjoying each other's company. Quite an unlikely group, in my opinion.
I told the clerk what I was after and she quickly went to retrieve said item. The man looked at me and said, "well, you are definitely a woman sent on a mission." I looked at him questioningly and probably asked him what the heck he meant. He then said that I didn't look like the type that would require the item that I was requesting. He was right.
He then informed me that he had been clean and sober for over 30 years. (There went my initial "judgment"). I was impressed and told him so with a hearty congratulations. The other two were smiling and nodding their approval at my seeming "acceptance" of them.
I write this story more for myself than for others. I want to remember this when I feel like I am the victim of judgment. I want to remember this when I look down my snooty nose at someone else and judge unfairly. Judgment is injury - whether it is in thought, word or deed.
I have spent a lot of energy lately feeling a lot of sorry for myself because of the way certain people have judged me and my family. I feel ostracized and it hurts. This day was a good lesson for me. I was dishing out exactly what I was receiving ... hurtful judgment.
Ahimsa. Non violence to all beings.
A few days ago I walked into a store that no "good" Mormon would go into. I made a purchase that no "good" Mormon would on a day that (you got it) no "good" Mormon would shop. I was dressed up in my "Molly" clothes and, yes, that was definitely me. I refuse to made excuses or explain myself because, quite frankly, it's nobody's business what I was up to.
There were three people in the establishment. The young woman behind the counter, a man that I assumed to be a chain smoking alcoholic meth addict and a middle aged woman with a birth defect that left her with one badly deformed short stub of a left arm. All three were having friendly conversation and seemingly enjoying each other's company. Quite an unlikely group, in my opinion.
I told the clerk what I was after and she quickly went to retrieve said item. The man looked at me and said, "well, you are definitely a woman sent on a mission." I looked at him questioningly and probably asked him what the heck he meant. He then said that I didn't look like the type that would require the item that I was requesting. He was right.
He then informed me that he had been clean and sober for over 30 years. (There went my initial "judgment"). I was impressed and told him so with a hearty congratulations. The other two were smiling and nodding their approval at my seeming "acceptance" of them.
I write this story more for myself than for others. I want to remember this when I feel like I am the victim of judgment. I want to remember this when I look down my snooty nose at someone else and judge unfairly. Judgment is injury - whether it is in thought, word or deed.
I have spent a lot of energy lately feeling a lot of sorry for myself because of the way certain people have judged me and my family. I feel ostracized and it hurts. This day was a good lesson for me. I was dishing out exactly what I was receiving ... hurtful judgment.
Ahimsa. Non violence to all beings.
Thursday, July 11, 2013
Out to Pasture
Skipper kisses me good-bye as he leaves for work at 5:00 am. I linger in bed for another half an hour then reluctantly push myself to getting up and about. It only takes me about five minutes and I'm in my bliss. I LOVE the mornings. I have three amazing hours before I have to leave for work.
The rest of the fam got in late so they are sleeping in (yay!!) and that leaves the compound to me and just me all alone. Nothing better.
I feed my cats and dogs. The dogs are just too happy to see me (even though they slept all night with me in my room - silly animals). I start another load of laundry and take the load in the washer out to hang on the line. My momma did this while we were growing up and I just never tire of the smell of my laundry that has been dried by my earth mom. PLUS, the very process of hanging my clothes just is so enjoyable.
Next, I start turning on water for my various gardens (the compound is for sale which means that all the foliage needs to look pristine) and head out to feed my horses. They, too, are happy to see me. Then there's the chickens and more plants and gardens. I head to the backyard and hand water all the flowers in pots.
And on it goes. I just putter (my momma's word - I love it) around in my gardens and with my animals and just enjoy the peace, the solitude, the gentle breeze and the cool morning air. This is close to heaven. In fact, please tell me that this is how my life will be when I arrive there.
As I've mentioned before, I'm moving. This is it. I'm moving to a place where nobody knows my name. Nobody knows my past. Nobody knows diddly squat about me. I'm ready to be put out to pasture. I'm grateful for this new direction.
Now . . . if there were just someway I could get a Bux delivered . . .
The rest of the fam got in late so they are sleeping in (yay!!) and that leaves the compound to me and just me all alone. Nothing better.
I feed my cats and dogs. The dogs are just too happy to see me (even though they slept all night with me in my room - silly animals). I start another load of laundry and take the load in the washer out to hang on the line. My momma did this while we were growing up and I just never tire of the smell of my laundry that has been dried by my earth mom. PLUS, the very process of hanging my clothes just is so enjoyable.
Next, I start turning on water for my various gardens (the compound is for sale which means that all the foliage needs to look pristine) and head out to feed my horses. They, too, are happy to see me. Then there's the chickens and more plants and gardens. I head to the backyard and hand water all the flowers in pots.
And on it goes. I just putter (my momma's word - I love it) around in my gardens and with my animals and just enjoy the peace, the solitude, the gentle breeze and the cool morning air. This is close to heaven. In fact, please tell me that this is how my life will be when I arrive there.
As I've mentioned before, I'm moving. This is it. I'm moving to a place where nobody knows my name. Nobody knows my past. Nobody knows diddly squat about me. I'm ready to be put out to pasture. I'm grateful for this new direction.
Now . . . if there were just someway I could get a Bux delivered . . .
Sunday, June 30, 2013
Busy Bee
Really? Almost 4 months since I've posted? Wow. Is someone busy or what? Actually, for some reason, I've adopted the mindset that being on my computer is an unnecessary indulgence. PLUS my computer in the office has become the family computer - the ONLY computer in our home at the moment. So . . .
The compound goes out on the market again next week. I have a great feeling that this time is THE time that the keys will be handed over to the family that this place belongs to. I have mixed feelings about the whole deal. We've lived here for 16-1/2 years and have a lot of amazing memories. However, it makes NO sense to stay here anymore. My kids are all but grown and the dough it takes to keep this place humming along is ridiculous.
We have our eye on a sweet spot in Arizona. I'm so trying to not get my hopes up but I still daydream about how my furniture will fit into the "new" (MUCH smaller) house and how my happy fat horses will enjoy their new digs.
Meanwhile . . . back at the ranch there's a whole lot of work to be done. There's a new roof popping up overhead and new (gasp) appliances rolling into the kitch and flowers and flowers and flowers being planted all over the place and, and, and. Yeah. Lotsa stuff going on around here. Why the heck didn't we do this like forever ago and enjoy it all these years? I think we say and do this in every home that we have ever owned. No bueno.
The compound goes out on the market again next week. I have a great feeling that this time is THE time that the keys will be handed over to the family that this place belongs to. I have mixed feelings about the whole deal. We've lived here for 16-1/2 years and have a lot of amazing memories. However, it makes NO sense to stay here anymore. My kids are all but grown and the dough it takes to keep this place humming along is ridiculous.
We have our eye on a sweet spot in Arizona. I'm so trying to not get my hopes up but I still daydream about how my furniture will fit into the "new" (MUCH smaller) house and how my happy fat horses will enjoy their new digs.
Meanwhile . . . back at the ranch there's a whole lot of work to be done. There's a new roof popping up overhead and new (gasp) appliances rolling into the kitch and flowers and flowers and flowers being planted all over the place and, and, and. Yeah. Lotsa stuff going on around here. Why the heck didn't we do this like forever ago and enjoy it all these years? I think we say and do this in every home that we have ever owned. No bueno.
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